


(There's distance between us) And you're on my mind

by Nerdofmanytalents



Series: As Long as You Follow [10]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Family, Featuring guest appearance by bb Jonas, Gen, Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-22 10:34:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22562041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nerdofmanytalents/pseuds/Nerdofmanytalents
Summary: Set during Oliver's time on the island, Felicity visits Oliver's grave after relocating to Starling City.
Relationships: Oliver Queen/Felicity Smoak
Series: As Long as You Follow [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1167482
Comments: 25
Kudos: 115





	(There's distance between us) And you're on my mind

**Author's Note:**

> Long time no see!! To those returning, thanks for sticking with me. To anybody new: welcome and feel free to check out the rest of the entries in this series as it is being written in bits and pieces as a sort-of-not-really linear way.

If Felicity wasn't absolutely sure this was one of the worst ideas she'd ever had, the amount of planning that went into this simple day trip would be ridiculous.

It had been four months since she and Jonas had settled into their small one bedroom apartment in Starling City. Everything had gone smoother than she ever could have dreamed. She'd met Mr. Steele, who had apparently been impressed with her credentials enough to introduce himself on the first day. Jonas got along swimmingly with the onsite daycare workers, and she'd reached a point in the job that she could sense the long term viability of working at Queen Consolidated. She’d had had her doubts about transplanting alone with a one year old at a corporate company job that could potentially blow up in her face and flip her world upside down…but working at QC was…kind of perfect. 

It had taken her a week of agonizing over the decision to even fill out the application when she'd seen the posting. And realistically, it was far below her qualifications; she was pretty sure she could do the job in her sleep. There had been better jobs in Las Vegas, Silicon Valley, or even Arizona or Utah, and all along the east coast. Even in Starling City, Kord Industries or Merlyn Global had positions higher up in the food chain than “Advanced General Tech Specialist” that she felt she could have qualified for. But the Queen Consolidated job… it kinda resonated. The pay was generous for the position, and the on-site daycare had amazing credentials and was free as part of her benefits package. And there was potential for growth too, and she had a feeling that if she really wanted she could work her way up to Applied Sciences. It was a safe job, no risk, really, and between everything with Cooper and having a baby to consider, safe with a chance for progression was everything she could want. 

She could also admit that maybe there had been a feeling of rightness when she’d accepted the offer to work at the company that could have been the legacy of the father Jonas would never get to know. 

Her coworkers were pretty normal, and despite the fact that her immediate supervisor could be a certain type of cranky that carried the faint odor of misogyny, the job was more fun than she’d thought it would be, the schedule was flexible, and most importantly, she was able to spend time with her son. So when a coworker had casually mentioned it a few weeks earlier, it felt like someone was rocking the boat she finally felt steady on.

_ “Oh, didn’t you know? The Queens open their house and grounds to public tours once a month. Sometimes they’ll even let higher up execs use the grounds for weddings or parties. At least they used to a couple years ago. Now it’s mostly just tours. I can’t believe you haven’t been, their gardens are gorgeous!” _

The offhanded statement had caught her attention like a loose nail snagging on a sweater. And it had refused to leave her alone. 

Tours of the grounds. And the house.  _ The Queen family's _ house.

Oliver’s home. 

She tried not to think of Oliver too often. They’d been strangers, nothing more than a one night stand. Hearing of his death had been jarring, for sure. But in a sort of way that hearing one of your schoolmates was in a car accident. Even if she'd felt some sort of special connection with him initially, the sadness of it was sort of abstract and detached. She hadn't even dared mention their encounter to anyone after that. 

Except then she'd missed her period. And realized she'd in fact missed two periods. And suddenly that stranger on the news who died became a lot more complicated. 

The possibility of meeting Oliver's family had nearly made her dismiss the QC job entirely. She'd decided within a week of her positive pregnancy test that she probably would never contact the Queen family. At first it had felt dirty and opportunistic, like she would be trying to take advantage of the family's tragedy. Then she'd seen on the news that the woman who died on the boat with Oliver and his father wasn't actually his girlfriend, and for a bitter moment she felt vindicated in how she'd kicked him to the curb. But seeing his family's heartbreak, and seeing the pretty brunette who the gossip rags said  _ was _ the girlfriend he left behind, it just seemed...cruel, to bring attention to Oliver's flaws to his loved ones with a total stranger. To say nothing of the fact that she did not want herself, and more importantly,  _ Jonas _ , to be dragged through the mud as Oliver's dirty laundry by tabloids. Tabloids that had no scruples in publishing tell-all interviews with every woman claiming to have had a fling with the famous and tragically short lived Oliver Queen. 

Felicity hadn't entirely ruled out approaching his family, especially as Jonas grew bigger every day. But after not-quite-meeting Moira Queen while waiting to meet Mr. Steele, who’s aura was like...terrifying dragon levels of scary, Felicity was pretty sure that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. And she was fine with that. Jonas was the best thing in her life. And when it came down to it, she'd do anything for him and to keep him safe. Even if that meant keeping him secret from the family of the man who sired him. 

But that snagged thread wouldn't leave her alone. The fact that Jonas would never know his dad would always be something that weighed on Felicity’s mind. She knew all too well how the absence of a father could leave a gaping hole in a child's life. So the fact that there was this... _ option _ for even the smallest connection in visiting Oliver's home, it had appeal. 

She'd second guessed herself a dozen times when she finally decided to go, then began planning meticulously once she steeled her nerves. Finally, she decided on a three day weekend, when (due to a bit of probably unethical cyber sleuthing) she knew Moira Queen would be away for a business trip. There was still a possibility of Oliver's sister being there, but hopefully arranging their visit midday would mean the young girl would be out of the house. It was overly cautious, she knew. It's not like someone would look at Jonas and immediately just know he was Oliver's child. But knowing her own penchant for foot-in-mouth disease, it was better to be safe than sorry. 

Now, the two of them were dressed in their sabbath best, a small bouquet of flowers hidden in the diaper bag in hopes that they might actually be able to see the headstone erected for Oliver on the family grounds. Jonas looked particularly handsome in a dark green collared buffalo shirt and a bow tie.

The drive in had been intimidating. Before even reaching the grounds the scenery was beautiful, and after tentatively driving through the gate, a security guard directed her to the guest parking for tours. She began to feel both awed and intimidated by the opulence of the whole place, the dark castle-like brickwork visible from the entrance. The manicured drive ended near a large garage, where a small group of other gawkers waited with a member of staff to begin the tour. 

Felicity took a moment to fuss briefly over Jonas as she pulled him out of his car seat, brushing his curly hair out of his eyes and wiping a bit of drool off his little tie. He wiggled excitedly as she removed him and locked the car before heading over to the tour group. She felt a bit overdressed, since most of the other attendees were dressed in regular street clothes, but the rather fussy looking guide gave them an approving once over. She had lingered suspiciously a bit on Jonas as if to gauge if he'd be a nuisance, but he gave her his signature chubby-cheeked grin through his pacifier and she almost visibly melted; Felicity had to resist the urge to fist bump. 

_ ‘Score one for the cute baby.’ _

The tour was about what Felicity expected. They were permitted to see the public rooms of the house; the grand entry, the sitting rooms, the ballroom. All the while their guide (apparently named Sharon), regaled their group with the history of the home, how it was a historic Dearden home, expanded and renovated by the family as Queen Consolidated rose to be a beacon in the business world. Famous paintings were pointed out, even more famous names were dropped. Everyone oohed and ahhed over the opulence of the home, at the grand display of the wealth a marriage of old money and new business innovation could buy. 

Felicity found herself looking for different things. Having grown up on the strip, she viewed wealth a lot different than most people, she supposed. And this was  _ real _ wealth, not the veneer of it you see every day in Vegas. But it also seemed…sad. Straight laced, restricted. She had hoped to find something in this place that was a home, that might give her some insight into the kind of place Oliver grew up in. But this didn't really have any of that. 

Thankfully, Jonas was exceptionally patient and calmly curious about their surroundings, so the tour went by without incident. They ended in a sitting room that led back to the garages and the manicured grounds beyond. Here, finally, there were some signs of life; along one wall was a series of photographs that appeared to be family portraits of the Queen family over the years. The largest was several feet across, taken in this very room. Moira Queen sat primly in a chair with Robert Queen at her shoulder, with Oliver mimicking the pose with his younger sister opposite their parents. It must have been taken a short period before their departure and accident, because Oliver looked nearly exactly as he had when Felicity had met him in Las Vegas. 

Bouncing Jonas lightly on her hip, she drew away from the large portrait and looked toward the other smaller ones dotting the walls. There was no real rhyme or reason to the organization, old photos of family ancestors ranging from old black and white to the muted colors of early color film mounted next to older versions of of the current family members group picture. In some, Thea was notably younger and Oliver's hair was longer and the angles of his face softer, Robert's hair darker, Moira’s styled differently. As the pictures went further back in time, Thea disappeared and Oliver was clearly a young child and positively adorable. Felicity noted with interest that mixed with the family portraits were a few individual shots of Oliver as a child. Felicity’s heart nearly stopped when she caught sight of one photo positioned level with her shoulder towards the north end of the wall. 

It was a studio portrait, in that heavily posed style that reminded Felicity of some pictures her own mother had done of her at a local department store as a child. He was maybe a year old, dressed in a navy and white sailor suit complete with hat and gold buttons and grinning at the camera. And if it weren't for the fact that Oliver had clearly not had much hair at that age, Felicity would have sworn she was looking at a picture of Jonas. 

Felicity simultaneously felt her heart ache and worry swell. Chancing a glance back at the rest of the group, Felicity surreptitiously pulled out her phone and snapped a quick photo of the portrait. She then made her way towards the exit door to go look at the grounds. 

“Oh, are you doing the gardens? They are just lovely this time of year, the rose gardens along the east wing especially.”

Mentally cursing that Sharon had spoiled her attempted retreat, she turned to smile. 

“Uh, yeah! I came since a coworker recommended it, she said it was worth the drive in from town. Are there any areas off limits I need to know about?” Felicity covered, nerves for once making her choose her words carefully.

“There’s an area roped off for landscaping along the west side, but the path is still accessible. In fact if you want to let this little munchkin stretch his legs a bit, you’re free to let him roam around a bit so long as you don’t pick any of the greenery,” Sharon clarified, pausing to make a silly face at Jonas who grinned back. “Although you might want to keep hold of him as you follow the path along the northeastern side; you’re welcome to visit the memorial for Mr. Queen and Mr. Oliver, but the family requests that you be respectful.”

Felicity’s heart raced. “Of course. Thank you so much for the tour, it was very interesting.”

“Oh, of course! The Queen family is always happy to hear that their visitors enjoy the sights. Glad you and your son could come! He’s such a well behaved boy.”

Felicity smiled, briefly pressing a kiss to Jonas head. “He is. I got lucky with him. I best let him stretch his legs outside though, he’s getting a bit fidgety.”

She managed to escape Sharon as another tourist began asking her questions, and Felicity stepped out the side door. Detouring briefly to the car for the umbrella stroller and diaper bag, she began to follow the garden path, meandering in the direction Sharon had mentioned the memorial. 

The grounds were indeed beautiful; well-manicured lawns, various well-tended gardens, and fountains and other water features. Jonas was alert and observant, making soft chattering noises that Felicity responded to absently as she walked. 

Finally Felicity spotted two gray headstones not far off the walking path, and slowed to a stop. She removed Jonas from his straps, retrieved the bouquet from their bag, and slowly walked over. Heart pounding, she glanced around for anyone else, before slowly sitting down in front of the stone with Jonas in her lap. She sat in silence for a few long minutes. 

“I’m sorry that you died,” she finally said softly, fiddling with the edges of Jonas’ shirt where it had become untucked from his pants. “I know the last time we saw each other I yelled at you, and you definitely deserved it at the time, but I didn’t hate you. You were nicer than I ever expected and I think that if you’d had the time to get your act together, you could have turned out to be a great man. And I'm sorry you never got that chance. But even if you were kinda a dill-weed at the time, you did give me something great.”

  
  


She looked back down at her lap, where Jonas was pawing the bouquet still in her hand and smiled. She absently rubbed the pink azalea petals between two fingers. 

“This is Jonas. He’s my son. Our son, I guess. Not that you’ll meet him in this life, cuz you died. But my mom's always said that everybody good has a chance to get into their version of heaven no matter what their beliefs. And so I hope that wherever you are for whatever you believe, you’re at peace. And maybe even able to watch over your family, although I always wondered how that would work in general if it were possible because I certainly know there are times when I definitely don't want my deceased loved ones looking down on me cuz hello, privacy! Plus I'm not sure if your idea of Christian heaven means you can do the whole watching over thing? Religion is complicated, you think humanity would have simplified it more after eons to do so.”

She trailed off when she realized that Jonas was chattering nonsense along with her like he tended to do when she got a bit long-winded. She chuckled a bit, shaking her head ruefully. 

“Sorry, I’m rambling. I tend to do that. I didn’t much when we met, but I was going through some really rough shh-stuff, at the time, and I wasn’t really…me? I guess? But I’ve been able to be more ‘me,’ now that I have Jonas. So… thank you for that. And for him.” She bit her lip. 

“I haven’t told your family.” Felicity confessed after a moment, hugging Jonas a bit in an effort to soothe the slight guilt she felt in the back of her mind. “There’s a lot of reasons, but mostly I’m afraid. It's a whole thing, really, and I've thought about it a lot and I'm sure I'll continue to. I think I’ll tell them someday, and hopefully they won’t be too angry for keeping him a secret. It's not malicious, I promise. Just…complicated.”

By now, Jonas was trying to eat the white tulips, or maybe the fragrant sprigs of rosemary in their bouquet. She gently pried them from his little fingers.

“I think that’s our cue to go. We’re coming up on nap time and this guy gets grumpy when he doesn’t get his rest. But I felt like we needed to come do this at least once, even if this isn’t really your grave. Spirit of the thing, and all, you know? So...yeah. I hope you’re resting in heaven and can spend some time watching over us. Thank you.”

She placed the flowers against the headstone after a long moment, before getting to her feet. She scooped up Jonas, who let out a mighty yawn and began rubbing his eyes. She snuggled him close with a smile, kissing him on the cheek. 

All in all, it had taken her an age to work up the nerve to come here, but it was worth it. To do this, to somehow find a connection to a person she barely knew for the sake of her son. And now it felt good. Positive. A sort of closure. She buckled Jonas back in the stroller, sparing one last glance at the spot of pink and white flowers against the gray headstone, before heading back to the car. 

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> As always, I love to hear from you if you enjoyed and especially if you had favorite bits. 
> 
> For anyone interested, [ I keep a sort of timeline](https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/17hd0XHQ9IW-QhoudFLILb0mUpVaQ0-RnZQXXz9qxnpQ) of how I see this story going on my Google docs that you are free to take a peek at. Be warned that there is a very minor possibility of small "spoilers" for future segments in there. If you feel like leaving me a comment there or here for things you'd like to see, I will see if I can integrate them in. :) 
> 
> As always, feel free to check out other entries in this series for more of Jonas and Felicity, and make sure to subscribe to the series if you're interested in more of this story. 
> 
> I occasionally am on Tumblr but I always reply to messages. 
> 
> Thanks again for your time!!


End file.
